This weeks Episode Hey Diddle Diddle My Foot!
Hey Diddle diddle the cat and the fiddle, the cow jumped over the moon,
the little dog laughed to see such fun, and the dish ran away with the spoon.
This garbled report is a case of the sort
That discredits the average eyewitness
For half of them see what they think things should be
And half of them are just plain witless
Our in depth insight will set this case right
And straighten out all the confusion
And make it so plain that yes, once again
We'd been sold someone's manic delusion
A. Diddle Diddle a cat on the fiddle
Embezzling funds from a Trust
His client's thought, 'Funny, he has so much money,
while we receive barely a crust!'
Was fond of a good old conundrum
She found large amounts in off shore accounts
And she called in the cat to explain 'thum'
The cat smiled and purred that he frankly preferred
That his clients stay ignorant still
Of his plans to abscond to lands over the pond
With the money from their Daddy's will
I cannot agree replied holy Cow Li
Your plan is completely appalling
It's my fervent belief you're a cad and a thief
And your clients I'm gonna be calling
The cat put up his paws and stuck out his claws
Saying, ' Enough of your wanton mischief!'
Then he leapt at Cow Li screamed, 'Meow Chop Suey!'
And attempted to make shredded beef
Cow Li leapt in the air, well it was only fair
Since A. Diddle had launched the attack
And in true Kung Fu style they rose up a mile
And passed the moon on their way back
Now young Tommy Trin who'd been made to stay in
As from measles and mumps he was dying
Saw Cow Li fly by the moon up so high
And immediately stopped all his crying
He called his puppy who was chasing a flea
To come see the comical sight
And they both had a laugh, well the dog went 'Raff Raff'
Before settling down for the night
Cow Li and the cat came hurtling back
Turning somersaults, kicking and screaming
They landed close by to a regular guy
And his girlfriend with whom he was spooning
His beautiful dish gave voice to a wish
That they spoon in a quieter place
So without more delay they both ran away
Thus confusing the facts of this case
But what of the cat and what of the cow
Did the two of them see eye to eye
After many long hours of slugging it out
Were they going to let bygones go by?
Alas for the cat there was no chance of that
Thanks to Cow Li's contingency plan
She'd alerted PD who had finished their tea
And were ready to pounce on their man*
So, A. Diddle Diddle who was caught on the fiddle
Went down for a very long time
He will never be free to enjoy his planned spree
On the Costa del Serious Crime
* Or cat for that matter.