Sunday, 24 February 2008

Cold Case Toytown

This weeks Episode Hey Diddle Diddle My Foot!

Hey Diddle diddle the cat and the fiddle, the cow jumped over the moon,

the little dog laughed to see such fun, and the dish ran away with the spoon.

This garbled report is a case of the sort

That discredits the average eyewitness

For half of them see what they think things should be

And half of them are just plain witless

Our in depth insight will set this case right

And straighten out all the confusion

And make it so plain that yes, once again

We'd been sold someone's manic delusion

A. Diddle Diddle a cat on the fiddle

Embezzling funds from a Trust

His client's thought, 'Funny, he has so much money,

while we receive barely a crust!'

So they sent in Cow Li,

an auditor she

Was fond of a good old conundrum

She found large amounts in off shore accounts

And she called in the cat to explain 'thum'

The cat smiled and purred that he frankly preferred

That his clients stay ignorant still

Of his plans to abscond to lands over the pond

With the money from their Daddy's will

I cannot agree replied holy Cow Li

Your plan is completely appalling

It's my fervent belief you're a cad and a thief

And your clients I'm gonna be calling

The cat put up his paws and stuck out his claws

Saying, ' Enough of your wanton mischief!'

Then he leapt at Cow Li screamed, 'Meow Chop Suey!'

And attempted to make shredded beef

Cow Li leapt in the air, well it was only fair

Since A. Diddle had launched the attack

And in true Kung Fu style they rose up a mile

And passed the moon on their way back

Now young Tommy Trin who'd been made to stay in

As from measles and mumps he was dying

Saw Cow Li fly by the moon up so high

And immediately stopped all his crying

He called his puppy who was chasing a flea

To come see the comical sight

And they both had a laugh, well the dog went 'Raff Raff'

Before settling down for the night

Cow Li and the cat came hurtling back

Turning somersaults, kicking and screaming

They landed close by to a regular guy

And his girlfriend with whom he was spooning

His beautiful dish gave voice to a wish

That they spoon in a quieter place

So without more delay they both ran away

Thus confusing the facts of this case

But what of the cat and what of the cow

Did the two of them see eye to eye

After many long hours of slugging it out

Were they going to let bygones go by?

Alas for the cat there was no chance of that

Thanks to Cow Li's contingency plan

She'd alerted PD who had finished their tea

And were ready to pounce on their man*

So, A. Diddle Diddle who was caught on the fiddle

Went down for a very long time

He will never be free to enjoy his planned spree

On the Costa del Serious Crime

* Or cat for that matter.