Thursday, 29 May 2008



Jack and Jill....All's Well That Ends Well....or is it?

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water
Jack fell down and broke his crown
And Jill came tumbling after

Surprise surprise a thin disguise
To hide a crime most heinous
But we, forsooth, have found the truth
That's why they specially train us

Jack was keen and long had been
On Jill his next door neighbour
He planned and schemed on what it seemed
To him was love's great labour

For fear that she might be out of his sight
He followed her everywhere
Behind any tree you'd be likely to see
Jack, acting like he wasn't there

He sent her huge gifts and dozens of flowers
And wrote her love poems for hours and hours
He did everything he could think of to do
Just to make her say once that she wanted him too

But Jill was a girl who was nobody's fool
She'd learnt about blokes just like Jack whilst in school
He wasn't just flash and an oily smooth talker
He hid behind trees, he was a darned stalker!

He was way too obsessed with how she was dressed
and his gifts were way over the top
He wanted control of her body and soul
She was desperate for him to stop

So she thought for a while, then she stood with a smile
And set off for the nearby well
Knowing Jack would go too and the best thing to do
Would be drop him down straight into hell

Now, you must understand that although Jill had planned
To topple Jack into the well
Jack had played a mind game that had made Jill insane
Or at least that's the tale she would tell

So she beckoned 'Come here' and when he drew near
She gave him one heck of a push
And over he fell right into the well
But instead of a splash there was hush

Jill was anxious to see what the problem could be
So she risked a peek over the edge
Then was heard to scream fkuc it! Jack's just hit the bucket
And landed safely on a ledge

Bewildered, bemused and well, truly confused
Jack gazed up at Jill and did say
I don't know you young lady, but if you would aid me
My fortune I'd quite gladly pay

KERCHING! went Jill's brain ( she was not so insane
as to pass up a chance when she saw one)
She whipped out a pen and some paper and then
Drew up a contract with Jack's name on

'If you would just sign so your fortune is mine
I will gladly pull you from the well
Or there you can stay,' Jill sweetly did say,
'Oh, and no one will hear if you yell'

Of course Jack complied for hard as he tried
He just could not rescue himself
And though quite befuddled he wasn't so muddled
As to want to remain on the shelf

Jill threw down a rope thus giving Jack hope
And he eagerly started to climb
But in Jill's head it popped that unless he were stopped
He'd go back on their pact in no time

As he drew near her course became clear
She just could not let him survive
So screaming, 'Oh No!' She let the rope go
Then watched calmly as Jack took a dive

This time as Jack fell again down the well
He kicked the bucket as he passed
He landed head first and his crown it did burst
So Jill knew that he had breathed his last

Now that Jack had gone Jill's game was on
And she tumbled back into the town
Crying, 'Alas for poor Jack, he's not coming back!
He tripped and the well he fell down

His last gift to me was, as you can see
ALL he did ever possess!
I have it right here, his signature's clear
Now, I'm going to need a new dress'

With no clear evidence of any offence
Jill got clean away with her crime
She profitted too and between me and you
Of remorse there was never a sign

A word to the wise for stalker type guys
You'd better pay heed to this tale
There are still, need I say, females out there today
Who are far deadlier than the male