not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.*
Then from the front room came the terrible sound
of half of the chimney breast hitting the ground
And in the debris, as the dust cleared away
were Santa and Rudolph....oh yes, and the sleigh!
Santa was shocked and still in quite a daze,
when the angry tree fairy got right in his face.
The beautiful tree she'd been proud to adorn
was now squashed in a heap and its lights were all..er...gorn.
Her crown was all wonky, her wings were askew
and to make matters worse, her wand was bent too!
Hic, Santa Baby, Hic, What a surprise!
We knew you were coming, we left out mince pies.
We didn't expect that you'd make such a din, (hic)
but I suppose that's because YOU BROUGHT THE SLEIGH IN!
Call yourself Santa you silly old fool,
you need to go back to sleigh driving school! (hic)
Now look at the mess, you've demolished my tree,
I had such a shock, I drank the brandy (hic)
With this outburst of rage, and because fairies don't drink,
she staggered to the kitchen and threw up in the sink.
Santa was drowning in gloom and dismay
So Rudolph spoke up in a 'save the day' way
His nose glowed bright red as with one magic thought,
all of the elves from the North Pole he brought.
In no time at all, they'd fixed the whole room
which was good, as it was Christmas Day really soon!
So Santa left pressies where they should've been
and nothing was missing from't seasonal scene -
except for the fairy, who, fissed as a puck,
wandered outside and was hit by a truck
that was busy delivering a brown fizzy drink....
is coke really good for you? Mmm, makes you think.**
But wait I digress, what of Santa and crew?
(They'll soon be appearing in a home near you)
There was only one thing left that they had to do
With a cry of 'Ho Ho Ho' and a 'Merry Christmas' wish
They took off and.....
demolished next door's satellite dish.......
but that's another story.
*Clement Clarke Moore 1823
** There are other trucks carrying other brands of coke which may equally have hit the fairy...there were no witnesses!