Thursday, 20 December 2007

A Winter's Tale

Twas the night before Christmas , when all through the house
not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.*

Then from the front room came the terrible sound
of half of the chimney breast hitting the ground
And in the debris, as the dust cleared away
were Santa and Rudolph....oh yes, and the sleigh!

Santa was shocked and still in quite a daze,
when the angry tree fairy got right in his face.

The beautiful tree she'd been proud to adorn

was now squashed in a heap and its lights were
Her crown was all wonky, her wings were askew
and to make matters worse, her wand was bent too!

Hic, Santa Baby, Hic, What a surprise!
We knew you were coming, we left out mince pies.

We didn't expect that you'd make such a din, (hic)
but I suppose that's because YOU BROUGHT THE SLEIGH IN!
Call yourself Santa you silly old fool,
you need to go back to sleigh driving school! (hic)
Now look at the mess, you've demolished my tree,
I had such a shock, I drank the brandy (hic)

With this outburst of rage, and because fairies don't drink,
she staggered to the kitchen and threw up in the sink.

Santa was drowning in gloom and dismay

So Rudolph spoke up in a 'save the day' way

His nose glowed bright red as with one magic thought,
all of the elves from the North Pole he brought.

In no time at all, they'd fixed the whole room
which was good, as it was Christmas Day really soon!

So Santa left pressies where they should've been

and nothing was missing from't seasonal scene -
except for the fairy, who, fissed as a puck,
wandered outside and was hit by a truck

that was busy delivering a brown fizzy drink....
is coke really good for you? Mmm, makes you think.**

But wait I digress, what of Santa and crew?
(They'll soon be appearing in a home near you)
There was only one thing left that they had to do
With a cry of 'Ho Ho Ho' and a 'Merry Christmas' wish
They took off and.....
demolished next door's satellite dish.......

but that's another story.


*Clement Clarke Moore 1823

** There are other trucks carrying other brands of coke which may equally have hit the fairy...there were no witnesses!

Friday, 14 December 2007

Seasonal Stuff

Christmas Illuminations (55)

Every year he'd spend hours testing lights - buying bigger 'better' displays.
Him and the silly sod next door, competing like kids.

This year she'd 'helped' - it was just basic circuitry.

So for once she'd seen the point, she'd even counted down....
.....until he threw the switch and as his little face ........

lit up.......

She smiled.

Absent Friends

Spare a thought for the turkey

As Christmas draws near

Just whisper of cranberries

So that he won't hear

Don't show him the stuffing

It fills him with fear

And when speaking of menus

Don't make it too clear

That while you are munching

And swigging down beer

He won't be around

To greet the New Year

Friday, 7 December 2007

2 x 55

Eating Up With the Jones'

"Can't imagine what's happened to the Jones', " twittered the guest, "I'm sure they said they'd be here...."

"They're probably with us in spirit," the hostess reassured him, "Please, enjoy your dinner everyone!".............

"You must give me the recipe for this meat pork I've ever tasted! "

"Really?...It's an old.... family.... recipe."

She smiled

A Cautionary Tail

It'd been the perfect Christmas gift.
Cute, funny - entertainment for the whole family.
It'd leaked a bit at first but that was soon fixed.
Later though, growing maintenance costs became problematic.
The novelty wore off. Taking care of it became a chore.
If only they'd remembered.....

A dog is for life, not just for Christmas.

Thursday, 6 December 2007

Lost and Found

Little Boy Lost

Count to a thousand and I'll be back for you

She said as she walked through the door

So he counted

Every day he counted

He watched

And waited

And counted

For days and weeks

He counted

For months and years

He counted

Long past a thousand

He counted

But she didn't come back for him

She'd gone

To a new life

With a new man

And a new child

And he didn't count any more.

Little Boy Found

I hear your cries my child

But I cannot see you

You strayed from my side

Too far

The night closes in

And the strange sounds scare you

The danger's now greater

By far

My hunt grows more urgent

I won't desert you

I'm closing in fast, there

You are!