Sunday, 29 July 2007

BlahBlah Bandit Blags Bling Bling Boots


Interpol is today appealing for help in tracing the notorious Blah Blah Bandit after a recent worldwide spate of thefts of footwear left victims with toes exposed to the elements.

These mules were snatched from the feet of Madame Foufou Labelle as she walked her pet poodle in Paris France. Still shocked, Madame Labelle later gave a statement to local police "Je suis desolee, mes pieds sont tres froids. Trouvez vous mes souliers s'il vous plait!"

These were grabbed in Greece from the feet of Eleni Popadopapoulis. Too distressed to be interviewed, she could only repeat "Po po po! Ti kanoume, ti Kanoume!"

A passer by captured these before and after images of a recent theft in Oregon USA. The victim (who wishes to remain anonymous in case his wife finds out he borrowed her shoes and lost them) was walking down the street with his feet looking like this

and just moments later found himself on the grass verge with his feet like this,

The witness was knocked to the ground as the Blah Blah Bandit made good his escape. He was however able to capture this image of the perps foot

Another witness was able to give a statement to the local Sheriff....

"At first I thought it was Bigfoot out playing pranks, but I realised it was a man in a hairy suit when he jumped into a Civic and sped away at between 39 and 42 mph"

Police Chiefs all over the USA are now on high alert, many have even put down their coffee and do-nuts for a moment, as it is feared that the seriousnes of the attacks is escalating. Many feet have been left totally traumatised by the loss of their footwear. Take a look at these before and after images of a recent attack:

Here we have happy dancing feet....

and here the same feet after the attack, clearly in a state of total collapse.

Luckily paramedics arrived promptly on the scene and were able to revive them

So what is known about the Blah Blah Bandit?

FBI profilers are at a loss." We know that the unsub is male and that he only takes stiletto heeled shoes. We know that he wears the shoes and is not simply collecting them. We know that he drives a Honda Civic and although we feel for him on that score, it does not excuse his naughtiness. Also, we can extrapolate from the facts at our disposal that he probably started by just admiring shoes in shop windows, moved on to 'borrowing' them from friends and family and as his confidence grew, escalated his behaviour to the point he is at now. Someone out there must know this man. Has anyone you know suddenly grown taller? Take a look at his feet. Help us to help him before it's too late!"

A heartfelt plea indeed from law enforcement but it may already be too late for the bandit. It is widely rumoured that one pair of shoes that he 'borrowed' actually belongs to an extremely dangerous assassin from 'The Sisterhood' whose exploits are the subject of legends (in 55 words or less) and who is not known for her forgiving nature. If she had a name no-one would be brave enough to say it out loud so she is referred to in whispers as 'She who must be avoided at all costs and from whom we definitely don't want to 'borrow' any stilettoes.' If the bandit has been foolish enough to abscond with her stilettoes his minutes may well be numbered, in very small numbers at that!

His only hope is that someone will recognise him from this photo taken by an anonymous source who witnessed the bandit trying on his latest acquisition. On issuing this photo the police confirmed that they are determined to get to the bottom of this affair and are hoping for an informer who will not get cold feet about testifying.


Dob him in now before he has it on his toes again!

Friday, 27 July 2007

Afternoon Tea

....... Like I said to Ethel, there's nothing the council can do about it. I mean, it's her private property she's using so it's her business not theirs and if she wants.......please do have another bury him under the patio with the others well, he was her husband after all.

More tea Vicar?

Scroll down for this week's bonus 55 !

Room To Let

Yes, it is a lovely room. We've had many lodgers over the years, some have stayed for quite a considerable time.

It's such a shame that you had to come down here though. I did ask you not to if you recall....

Curiosity I suppose.... Mmm?...What's in the trunks?


Why, your predecessors of course!

Friday, 20 July 2007

55 Friday

You know how it is, you wait all week for a 55 to come to mind, then three arrive at once. So here are this week's offerings, think of it as read 2 get 1 free week.
Scroll on down !

By the way, thank you all again for the comforting words last week. These are for you...

Thursday, 19 July 2007

A Sultry Summer's Day.....(55)...1 of 3

Glorious warmth soaked her bones as she wandered idly amidst waist high grasses and wild flowers. Perfect peace.
.......and yet......
She shivered, momentarily chilled.
She drifted, drawn now towards a small copse....
.....something not ........not quite.......
The silence!
No living thing stirred here !
....... too late ! .......
Long dead crows cawed, briefly echoing her bloodcurdling


Deadlier than the Male.....(55)...2 of 3

There'd been no choice. He couldn't let her continue to kill so he'd poisoned her.
She lay on the divan as if sleeping, but paler, he thought. He drew her still warm body into his arms.

Her eyes opened!

Whaaat...? She'd realised that he knew - had read his intentions - her coffee was untouched!

She smiled.

Plight of the Navigator.........(55)....3 of 3

So, we're not lost?

No, we're not lost.

You're sure?

Of course I'm sure. We're not lost !

I thought maybe we should've turned left back there.

I followed the directions exactly !

So, we're definitely not lost?


So this isn't a field...


and that isn't a sheep...?

Friday, 13 July 2007

Clown of Straw......... (55)

I stare at the blank page. No words come to me.No story clamours in my head. No witty tale. No drama. Only my grief seeks expression and who would wish to share such sorrow? My heart holds more tears than a monsoon sky. The shock of loss still tangible. My strength a hollow pretence.

Wednesday, 11 July 2007

I'll give it an 8

I have been tagged by Val and Cathy who both seem to think that I know 8 things about me to which others should be made privy. I will get them at playtime I promise, but in the meantime.....

I was born at a very early age.

I distinctly remember thinking, "I'm pink therefore I'm Spam."

My favourite game in Reception Class was Wendy House Fire.

My 1st school was run by penguins.The chief penguin often checked my head for 6s.

I'm so easy going I'm almost comatose.

I believe in Father Christmas.

I used to have a pair of these,but someone blah blah blagged them!

I'm not crazy, I'm merely working on my defence.

Friday, 6 July 2007

HUSH LITTLE BABY..........(55)

"Keep the baby quiet!" he hisses. He's a good Papa - just terrified.
She draws the mewling infant closer to her breast, "Hush, please don't cry! "


Every fibre tenses,

breath held,

moments......... pass........... like............. hours .......

"Niemand innen hier!"

At last they're gone!

The baby's quietened now. She rocks his lifeless body.

Tears falling silently.....

Monday, 2 July 2007

Honorary Girl Blogger Award

So, as you may have noticed, I was recently awarded a Rocking Girl Blogger badge.
I was a little disappointed while awarding the badge to 5 new recipients that I was unable to include some of my favourite blogs because they are written by Boy Bloggers. Anyway, problem solved. The amazing Lime, made a comment that we should make Dan an honorary girl blogger Brilliant idea Lime! So I have adjusted the badge accordingly and will nominate my 3 (not 5 because it takes a really special Boy to be an Honorary Girl). This award can be made by Rocking Girl Bloggers only, if that's you and you would like to give a worthy Boy Blogger this award, feel free!
My nominations are Travis who, as I said recently, writes belting stories, Dan who is a great guy and who gave us the array of badge colours now available and Michael because apart from being my brother, he is soooo funny. Sorry boys, you don't get to nominate, but then do you really want to be calling fellow boys honorary girls? I suspect not. Choose your badge and wear it proudly!(matching skirts and handbags optional).

Finally, I would like to acknowledge the creator of the Rocking Girl Blogger award Roberta Ferguson, great idea Roberta!

Sunday, 1 July 2007

And the Winner is.......

My sister, Cathy has very kindly given my humble blog an award.

I am , needless to say, deeply honoured and somewhat gobsmacked being as how I have not been blogging for very long. Although Cathy is not given to outrageous acts of nepotism she did get me into the blogosphere and probably feels guilty for spreading the addiction (teehee).

As I had no expectation of receiving this award I have no speech prepared, well other than these few notes just tucked in my skirt, let's see.

I would like to thank my husband for his tireless support (but I am not married) my children for leaving mummy alone while she's at the computer (oops, none of those either) my agent for taking a mere 98% of everything ( won't be getting one of those then) and the BBC Costumes Dept. for the disguise now that I'm famous ( well, what they actually said was "Here's a bag , wear it!). So, it just remains for me to thank Cathy....Thanks sis! ....and think of 5 more award winners to include in the honours.

And the winners are.....

Akelamalu just for making me laugh. MissUnderstood for her services to Donkeys, Sheep and Haggis and for getting off her butt to help others. Val one of Vincent D'Onofrio's greatest fans, I'm not mad about him myself, but if you are you'll love this blog and I just think that such dedication deserves an award! Mimi who already has one of these but deserves another for rocking the world with her peace globes! Finally, my mum, Maria, who not only is a longstanding Rocking Girl but has apparently produced two more. She is a reluctant blogger so I give award in the hope of encouraging her to blog on!

Finally I would just like to give a shout out to Travis whose writing I really enjoy and Dan who makes me laugh and who also gets off his butt to help others. Not to forget Michael who just happens to be my brother. If only they would agree to make a couple of tiny changes, they too could become Rocking Girl Bloggers, hum hah, well they rock anyway!

Rocking Girls, please select your preferred colour of badge and award away to 5 recipients of your choosing. I am going to take care of the all important post award ceremony drinkies. Cheers!

I Don't

Darling I would marry you
But I'm not that insane
I have a business, house and car
So just what would I gain ?

True love is an imbalance
Of bio-chemistry
So the passion we are feeling
Is mere insanity

I don't need to do your laundry
Or roll your socks in pairs
And I won't see my bathroom sink
Full of your nasal hairs

I don't need to cook great meals
For some ungrateful guy
Who wouldn't even notice
If I fed him dog meat pie*

I won't be disappointed
By your disloyalty
When you make your sad excuses
Or tell your lies to me

You won't take me for granted
Or cause my love to die
Your cruellest indifference
Will never make me cry

So be a prince my darling
And frog like hop away
I'll sign no crazy contract
To spoil my happy day!

* just so long as it came with chips!

Anyone who still doubts that I am happily single, read again,
Farewell My Love, And So to Bed and Tell Me Again Why I Married You and then ask yourself, Do I seem anxious to enjoy marital disbliss ?