Friday, 29 February 2008

Fit to Burst

The slightest upset caused him to become apoplectic with rage.
His face reddened, his eyes bugged out
and veins throbbed dangerously in his temples.

He reminded her of a grotesque balloon.
A big, round, red balloon.

Pity, she preferred blue balloons.

She pictured it and was amused.
Reaching for the plastic bag.....

She smiled.

Sunday, 24 February 2008

Cold Case Toytown

This weeks Episode Hey Diddle Diddle My Foot!

Hey Diddle diddle the cat and the fiddle, the cow jumped over the moon,

the little dog laughed to see such fun, and the dish ran away with the spoon.

This garbled report is a case of the sort

That discredits the average eyewitness

For half of them see what they think things should be

And half of them are just plain witless

Our in depth insight will set this case right

And straighten out all the confusion

And make it so plain that yes, once again

We'd been sold someone's manic delusion

A. Diddle Diddle a cat on the fiddle

Embezzling funds from a Trust

His client's thought, 'Funny, he has so much money,

while we receive barely a crust!'

So they sent in Cow Li,

an auditor she

Was fond of a good old conundrum

She found large amounts in off shore accounts

And she called in the cat to explain 'thum'

The cat smiled and purred that he frankly preferred

That his clients stay ignorant still

Of his plans to abscond to lands over the pond

With the money from their Daddy's will

I cannot agree replied holy Cow Li

Your plan is completely appalling

It's my fervent belief you're a cad and a thief

And your clients I'm gonna be calling

The cat put up his paws and stuck out his claws

Saying, ' Enough of your wanton mischief!'

Then he leapt at Cow Li screamed, 'Meow Chop Suey!'

And attempted to make shredded beef

Cow Li leapt in the air, well it was only fair

Since A. Diddle had launched the attack

And in true Kung Fu style they rose up a mile

And passed the moon on their way back

Now young Tommy Trin who'd been made to stay in

As from measles and mumps he was dying

Saw Cow Li fly by the moon up so high

And immediately stopped all his crying

He called his puppy who was chasing a flea

To come see the comical sight

And they both had a laugh, well the dog went 'Raff Raff'

Before settling down for the night

Cow Li and the cat came hurtling back

Turning somersaults, kicking and screaming

They landed close by to a regular guy

And his girlfriend with whom he was spooning

His beautiful dish gave voice to a wish

That they spoon in a quieter place

So without more delay they both ran away

Thus confusing the facts of this case

But what of the cat and what of the cow

Did the two of them see eye to eye

After many long hours of slugging it out

Were they going to let bygones go by?

Alas for the cat there was no chance of that

Thanks to Cow Li's contingency plan

She'd alerted PD who had finished their tea

And were ready to pounce on their man*

So, A. Diddle Diddle who was caught on the fiddle

Went down for a very long time

He will never be free to enjoy his planned spree

On the Costa del Serious Crime

* Or cat for that matter.

Friday, 22 February 2008

Spring in his Step...........55

He sniffed, stretched and sniffed again.
Despite what had to be recognised as a particularly stiff breeze, the crisp morning air carried an undeniable promise of a new season.

Encouraged by the mildness of the late winter days, many plants were already showing tender green shoots.
Ah! he thought as he went inside......

Nooky Time!

Sunday, 17 February 2008

Cold Case Toyland

This week's Episode: A Tale of Tuffety Terror.....Miss Muffet Exposed!

Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet
Eating her curds and whey
Along came a spider and sat down beside her
And frightened Miss Muffet away....

Or so we have always believed
But we have looked closer
And now can expose the
Way in which we were deceived........

Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet
Pulling on both of its ears
The tuffet was screaming, its poor face was streaming,
With millions of tuffety tears

A passer by spied her and drew alongside her
And said Leave that tuffet alone
He's like me and you, he has feelings too
He isn't, you know, made of stone

By way of reply, Miss M. poked the eye
Of the spider she found there beside her
Then taking her shoe she clobbered him too
And she didn't hold back any either

She screamed I'm Miss Muffet and I beat up tuffets
So butt out for good er ness sake
Just move along Incy or I'll make you Wincy
'Cos all of your legs I will break

Then without more ado, she again raised her shoe
And continued to batter the tuffet
Around his poor head, he was almost quite dead
Indeed he was ready to snuff it!

The spider withdrew, what else could he do?
But he didn't abandon the tuffet
He dropped a round dime and reported the crime
And called the police out to Miss Muffet

Then he bravely cried STOP! I have called a cop,
And you've at least two strikes already
If you don't resist and your violence desist
You'll be dating a butch girl called Teddy!

Miss Muffet did pause but only because
She wanted to look at the grass
She shouted That's it! and dropped the tuffet
So she could go kick spider ass

The spider, incensed by her insolence,
Drew himself up to full height
And as she came near he aimed at her rear
And kicked her with all of his might

She took to the air, and to be very fair
It may have appeared like fright
The look on her face as she travelled through space
In a definitely unscheduled flight

The tuffet meanwhile, just managed a smile
Before limping away to get help
A piteous sight, he limped into the night
With a sob and a sigh and a yelp

Having finished their tea, the Toyland PD
Had lately arrived on the scene
And it was plain to see from the tuffet debris
What a dreadful assault there had been

So they handcuffed Miss Muffet for GBH on a tuffet
And took her before Justice Curd
Who sent her awhey for many a long day
Because, as strikes go, 'twas her third

But what of the spider and what of the tuffet
Were they traumatised by this event?
Well, happily no, they let the past go
And now live in a cottage in Kent.

Friday, 15 February 2008

What Goes Around.........55

You're late..... Hurry up...

So long for chores..... so long for shopping,
not a second unaccounted for.... not a moment's respite....
until she'd finally turned on him.

She'd always said she'd make him run one day.
So, as she turned the timer and watched the ashes pass through the glass...
She smiled.

Sunday, 10 February 2008

Tempus Fugit..........55

The Age of Aquarius had dawned, yawned, stretched and learnt a new wrinkle.*

The Hand of Time waved cheerily as it hastened along.

The Sands of Time fair danced through the eggtimer of existence.

Old Father Time watched gleefully

as the victim was drawn, kicking and screaming,(dragging her feet anyway) towards yet another......BIRTHDAY!

*Find out more about Aquarius and see the original picture at (I would have done a link but I can't remember how - see, the effects of my birthday, my brain's practising for old age!)

ps. At least 2 people, if not 3 have been kind enough to give me awards which I have not got round to acknowledging yet. I'm sorry for the delay and I will sort this out as soon as things round here get a little less hectic.

Friday, 1 February 2008

PerSIStence is Futile......55

I don't know what to do about him.
I said 'No' politely, I didn't want to belittle him.

Now he simply won't go away!

He sends flowers and gifts.

He calls at all hours, 'just checking,' it freaks me out!

He's even followed me!

Relax sis, he won't trouble you again.

She smiled.