Sunday, 29 July 2007

BlahBlah Bandit Blags Bling Bling Boots


Interpol is today appealing for help in tracing the notorious Blah Blah Bandit after a recent worldwide spate of thefts of footwear left victims with toes exposed to the elements.

These mules were snatched from the feet of Madame Foufou Labelle as she walked her pet poodle in Paris France. Still shocked, Madame Labelle later gave a statement to local police "Je suis desolee, mes pieds sont tres froids. Trouvez vous mes souliers s'il vous plait!"

These were grabbed in Greece from the feet of Eleni Popadopapoulis. Too distressed to be interviewed, she could only repeat "Po po po! Ti kanoume, ti Kanoume!"

A passer by captured these before and after images of a recent theft in Oregon USA. The victim (who wishes to remain anonymous in case his wife finds out he borrowed her shoes and lost them) was walking down the street with his feet looking like this

and just moments later found himself on the grass verge with his feet like this,

The witness was knocked to the ground as the Blah Blah Bandit made good his escape. He was however able to capture this image of the perps foot

Another witness was able to give a statement to the local Sheriff....

"At first I thought it was Bigfoot out playing pranks, but I realised it was a man in a hairy suit when he jumped into a Civic and sped away at between 39 and 42 mph"

Police Chiefs all over the USA are now on high alert, many have even put down their coffee and do-nuts for a moment, as it is feared that the seriousnes of the attacks is escalating. Many feet have been left totally traumatised by the loss of their footwear. Take a look at these before and after images of a recent attack:

Here we have happy dancing feet....

and here the same feet after the attack, clearly in a state of total collapse.

Luckily paramedics arrived promptly on the scene and were able to revive them

So what is known about the Blah Blah Bandit?

FBI profilers are at a loss." We know that the unsub is male and that he only takes stiletto heeled shoes. We know that he wears the shoes and is not simply collecting them. We know that he drives a Honda Civic and although we feel for him on that score, it does not excuse his naughtiness. Also, we can extrapolate from the facts at our disposal that he probably started by just admiring shoes in shop windows, moved on to 'borrowing' them from friends and family and as his confidence grew, escalated his behaviour to the point he is at now. Someone out there must know this man. Has anyone you know suddenly grown taller? Take a look at his feet. Help us to help him before it's too late!"

A heartfelt plea indeed from law enforcement but it may already be too late for the bandit. It is widely rumoured that one pair of shoes that he 'borrowed' actually belongs to an extremely dangerous assassin from 'The Sisterhood' whose exploits are the subject of legends (in 55 words or less) and who is not known for her forgiving nature. If she had a name no-one would be brave enough to say it out loud so she is referred to in whispers as 'She who must be avoided at all costs and from whom we definitely don't want to 'borrow' any stilettoes.' If the bandit has been foolish enough to abscond with her stilettoes his minutes may well be numbered, in very small numbers at that!

His only hope is that someone will recognise him from this photo taken by an anonymous source who witnessed the bandit trying on his latest acquisition. On issuing this photo the police confirmed that they are determined to get to the bottom of this affair and are hoping for an informer who will not get cold feet about testifying.


Dob him in now before he has it on his toes again!